I just heard. I’m so so sorry, Erin. She was a great friend and lived a wonderful life, the best a companion could ask for, with love and ample attention. You were a great mother to her, as you were to all of your dogs. My heart truly goes out to you.

I just landed in Nola and am in the Taxi on the way to your parents house. I’m staying there. I kid…. I’m staying at a hotel. I think of you here, of course. Can you believe that I just want to sleep? I’m so tired and there’s a long, fun weekend ahead. My cousin Laura is getting married here on Saturday so the fam is here. It’s gonna be a family event filled weekend: dinners, bowling, the horse races (meeting up with your mom there), music, brunches, yoga, etc… I’m going to attempt to slow down a bit and just enjoy a few days with my family. How’s the rift with you and your mom and/or sister? I both relationships have found some equilibrium. I unfriended my brother on Facebook and Instagram. The fucker never calls me and barely sees me, so I just decided I didn’t want a virtual brother anymore and he shouldn’t feel like he’s part of my life by liking my posts. Dick. From here I go to New York for a few weeks, which will be interesting. I have wanted to work there for almost twenty years, but have been unable to for one reason or another. I’m not exactly working on a movie in a capacity like I had been, but that’s also a good thing. If things are going well on set I can leave set for the rest of the day. I’m also going to see the Springsteen concert while I’m there!!! That’ll be such a highlight. I’m just passing the Dome, so I’ll be at the hotel soon. A nice meal somewhere and maaaaybe one drink (famous last words), and then some good sleep. I’m on LA time, so technically it’s only 6pm my time 😈. Reyn studio has some classes tomorrow, so I’m going to hit one early and detox. Happy belated Canadian Thanksgiving. XO.

It just occurred to me that I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve seen your face. (the dog pic has nothing to do with the sentiment)

Timing, distance, you, me, jealousy, alcohol, friends, haters, lovers, anger, white noise, insecurity, arrogance, visa, death, parents, work, communication, secrets, baggage

The sleeping pill is starting to bury me and I feel the weight on my consciousness and eye lids, and my mind starts to wander. You. Why you?  Why me?  How did that happen and why doesn’t just extinguish like like loves of past?  Another answer that seems to be beyond me. 

I received a random text today from a friend in another country who said he knew something about you. I didn’t want to know but of course I had to.  Please keep your eyes open and be careful with the new man. 

The little chill of sadness and an ache from the scar that doesn’t heal as I read your note. It happens every time.  I had to “unfollow” you as seeing the future photos of you and another guy would probably still (shockingly) sting a bit. But I am happy for you; truly.  

I guess retrospectively I was a little confused about you saying that you’ll be taking a break. From what?  We don’t talk.  We don’t text. We seem to only communicate through “likes” and comments. Do you mean from your thoughts?  I hope you can win that one. I never did.  

I know you won’t answer this. Who knows if you’ll even read this. Perhaps I’ll take a break too. I leave it out there for the universe, which has proven all too often to have a really crappy sense of timing. X

Tonight in New Orleans it’s bedlam; parties, costumes, and Voodoo Fest. I had a tiny buzz when I wrote yesterday’s post, completely not realizing that it was seven years to the day (more or less) that we kissed for the very first time. Voodoo, DBA, then Dave’s son whisked you away. I guess we could probably call that our first date. What a night. What a story. What a tragedy. I really would have married you last year. Dysfunctionally ever after.  Not how I imagined it, but happy anniversary, babe.  

God I miss kissing you sometimes. Just forgetting myself and melting right into your face. 

Yesterday I had to bring Juma in for a surgical procedure and an MRI.  He’s been limping for almost two months now. He was so scared and kept looking at me with pleading eyes not to leave him.  Like having a child. I look back and it’s so much easier to relate to everything you said about Lola and not being able to leave her. Sorry didn’t understand then. I’m a bit of a late bloomer  

You should see it… house owner, dog owner, real job…  Am I becoming (heaven forbid) a regular guy?  I’m slightly freaked out at the thought of it. 

Anyway, I’m sure you have other things to do and another man to entertain, however I thought that I’d put it out there: it looks like I’ll be in NY for about three weeks, from the end of Nevember until mid-December. That’s as close as I’ll get to KW this year. Just an FYI…