A look of hurt and scorn, then she said “Thanks for wasting my time” and the door slammed. That’s how my night ended. This was of course precipitated by in a moment of honesty telling her that I can’t give her anything because my heart is with a woman in Canada. 

I went to a great concert with Guy. I had the perfect level of “I don’t care what people think” buzz on, in a good way. The show was amazing.  Asaf Avidan. Look him up on youtube. He’s so talented.  In the midst of the evening I was having thoughtful moments where I could see beyond the immediate, the present, and the bullshit. I had moments of clarity and maybe a few of strait-up crazy as well. You were in that stream: longing, anger, love, frustration, hopefulness, jealousy and dispare.  I questioned myself from all angles. I am certain however that I’m approaching the limitation of my stamina for state of “relationship”.  I try to see things through your eyes so that I may find some answers to my questions and feelings. Some I can manifest, and others I can not. It’s frustrating, but in a state where I have very little, if any, time to verbally communicate with you it’s the only thing I can do to keep pushing forward. I do wonder some times if you’re just waiting for me to give up this potentially fruitless quest. If I can actually stay the course with as much enthusiasm until July. I wonder that often myself. But a new day comes, you’re not there, and I try again. 

Your family, my family, your friends, my friends… They’ll use words like “fool” and “idiot” and question if it’s love or something else. I have heard it already from quite a few and I expect to hear more. Yours is just around the corner and it’s not pretty. But I’m standing confidently behind my words, my conviction and my love. They can say whatever the fuck they want but my feet are planted firmly and no one is going to knock me down. 

You are the epitome of what is beautiful to me. Even your craziness I embrace, and you will make me crazy at times, as I’m sure I will make you at times as well.  But I can’t wait to talk out every single thing, every pet peeve or sideways glance. Let’s do this shit!  

Thanks for coming on the ride with me earlier. I loved having part of you with me. I’m sorry about the weiner comment. I sounded humorous in my head but out loud it wasn’t at all. Jazzfest will be catch as catch can. I hope we can work it out, but if circumstances don’t permit then I’ll live (poorly). Holy crap! It’s going to be 72 degrees in the K-dub tomorrow. Summer for you. 

My lips long for yours. I can so vividly remember your lips… soft, wet, and move as I move. When my lips are on yours I’m never sure where they end and yours begin, as if we’ve melted together. And it’s been like that since we first met. Your lips are home to me. 

I arrived early (for a change) at the party of all parties. The band is jammin’, drinks are flowin’, and people are laughing and having a blast all around. It’s an eclectic crowd. I grab a glass of champagne from a waiter walking by with a tray, take a sip and take in the scene. Wow.  I check my watch. Damn!  Where are you?  Why couldnt you get off early today?  I can’t enjoy this until you get here. So I stand to one side and watch and wait. Don’t take too long. We’re missing out. 

Erin, your birth control question has me thinking of other practical questions which we should be pondering and answering within the next couple of months, such as

1. What are we planning to do with your car?  Drive it to LA? Sell it there and buy one here?  Etc.
2. How much drawer and closet space do you need?  As you know I have a shit ton of clothing, but I have other closets in the house to put my hanging stuff in as well. I will get a dresser for you. 
3. If you will continue to hold fast to my birthday, does that mean that’s the date you leave or is that the day you have the talk?  There can be a bit of time between the talk and exiting.  What is your plan?  
4. You will need a US phone. 
5. Etc…

I’m fading, but practical things to figure out for us.  

Honey, I would love for you to help me with my diet, even over my protests.  Help me to change my diet so that I’m not constantly eating things that irritate my stomach. I’m too susseptible to my whims and weaknesses to do it alone. Please. 

I want to wrap my fucking arms around you and crush you with the love I have been holding in for so long. I remember your skin; the softest and magnetic to me. And your lips are electric when they meet mine.  Perhaps we’re two sides of the same coin: you’re the think when I speak, and I’m the speak when you think.