You would like it here today. It’s Easter and half the city is empty. I bought a bike yesterday, so I’m riding around the city and Piedmont Park, exploring. It’s really a well thought-out city; parks, pathways, street art, street musicians, etc. I fear the heat and (worse) the humidity of the summer to come. This assumes I’m still here by then. The way this project is going for me, I could be fired any day. It’s really is a tough one, and I can’t seem to catch a break at all. It’s a little slice of misery. I’m trying to ride it away. I’m going to hit a yoga class later too to try to purge it all. I haven’t been sleeping well at all as well. It’s burning me out a bit. Although I could possibly attribute last night’s sleeplessness to eating an entire box of cookies at midnight. I was washed, brushed, mouthguard in, and somehow instead of pouring a glass of water I grabbed a box of cookies and almond milk and went to town.  Clearly I left my self control back in LA.  

But I’ve had lots of sleepless time to think, and I think I may have finally pinpointed why Costa Rica affected me in the way it did. I had seen your interactions with your previous men, and told myself that could never be me. I’m sorry but I always thought of those guys as suckers. We were too in love, and you loved me too much to be that way with me. But you did though, and I couldn’t believe it.  When the thought occurred to me that I may ultimately be treated that way, and I could wind up another sucker, like watching the dogs while you were away with another guy, I couldn’t even entertain the notion. Maybe it would have been different for us.  Maybe I might have been different, but at that time it seemed like I had fooled myself, and I wasn’t.  I was just like them. I had waited all that time, pushed and pursued, and wanted someone so badly that everyday without you it hurt, and then I might be just one of them?  I can’t. I know that I can be proud to a fault at times, but whether it was overreacting or the right amount, I could never and would never be them, and so I wasn’t.  That also boggles my mind because I know you don’t want that kind of guy either, but yet you somehow settle for them. I don’t understand it and hope that you don’t wind up with one. I think you would end up unhappy, like your sister, and you’re so much better than that.  I believe in your profound heart, your ability to be sweet and warm and loving, and I believe those could triumph for you. 
Anyway, I’ve said too much for one post. I’m off to finish my ride and head back towards the flat for a wee.