Erin,

My current state of confusion is not that I don’t love you, and it’s not about ten bad days.  It’s about seeing what seemed to be a side of you that eclipsed the part I knew. I love you, but I can’t shake those memories nor those feelings you instilled.  I have deliberately brought up good memories, loving memories, and tried to live in them to stoke the flame again, but it isn’t working like it used to. I’ve spoken with my brother, Guy, Marjorie, and my mother, all of whom know me well, to get their opinions, so that I can know if I’m just running.  My feelings for you are not something I take lightly, and I don’t want to let what could be short-term animosity or apathy keep me from what could potentially bring me happiness.  I think about you daily, but New Years would have a certain pressure component to it, which would be awkward and unnatural for us.