How do/did we wind-up where we are: ME alone in a hotel lobby writing and watching vacationers going about their lives, seemingly enjoying their holidays while yelling at their kids, and YOU once again living with a man who doesn’t satisfy your heart and going through the motions of the presumed social status quo.  We each seek out our refuge from whatever damage that exists deep down in such different ways: YOU more apt to be dissatisfied rather than alone, and ME more apt to be alone rather than dissatisfied.  Are we the opposites we seek, ying and yang?  It’s certain though that we’re both a bit fucked up in our own ways, but not seemingly beyond repair.  I am stocking my tool box with understanding, communication and patience.  Understand me and I will seek to understand you beyond that which I think I already know.  Talk to me about how you feel and why and I will tell you that which echos inside me, as best as I can understand it (we both need to work on this).  And mostly be patient with me and through our understanding and communication I will be patient with you, even during your occasional I Love Lucy moments, which though possibly frustrating at the time, are cherished memories which bring me cheshire smiles with each thought.  We are damaged people, but we are not beyond repair.

Honey, I feel the gap widening, though I am not drifting from loving you.  I love you all the same and still hope you make it to me. 

A friend died yesterday. I’m in shock a bit. We drove our old cars up to Malibu for brunch just two weekends ago, right before Jazzfest.  I called his cell and his wife answered.  It went from there as you would imagine. She cried telling me the story. Her quivering voice and crying in echoing. I left work early because I couldn’t stay focused on anything. He was just such a great guy, truly, and I barely got to know him. He was a budding friend, and I know he felt the same because he told me. I met him on the movie I did here last summer and we struck up a friendship, which is rare for me. We went motorcycle riding a few times. I’m so glad I spent that day with him a couple weeks ago and got to know him even more. He had a light or aura. He was nice to people, a good husband, smart, fun, and though I didn’t know him nearly long enough, he managed to make it to the title of friend, and that’s a small circle. I wish you were here to hug away the sadness.