Can you believe two more days until New Years?  Unfuckingbelievable.  So much to reflect on.  I have spent most of the year reflecting on you and I; the things we’ve said and done, the opportunities to get back together that we squandered, the feelings that won’t go away…  The one thing I know I would have done differently would have been to push this hard back in March/April, when I was buying a house in Nola and asked you to come down and move-in.  I even though you said “no” (via text no less), I should have pushed harder, like I am now.  Imagine where we’d be now; in a lovely house uptown, living together, probably engaged, finally making that life together.  That would have been so great and so different from where we are now.  Thank God our situations aren’t irrevocable yet.  Still, I should have pushed harder.  I shouldn’t have been dejected by your “no” and flown-up to see you then.  Even though I mostly said then what I’m saying now, I should have pushed harder.  Push through your brain and stubbornness and towards your heart.  I pushed via text about my love and longing for you.  I was ceaseless when you went on vacation in eastern Europe.  And I was sincere.  And now that I’m reflecting on all the pushing, I’m fucking exhausted.  What a work-out this year has been pushing this enormous boulder up a hill all year (most of it anyway).  Admittedly I had to pay penance and truly show you that my intentions were/are more than just words, which I think I have.  Thankfully my labors are almost over as this boulder cresting the top now, and when it’s there poised it’s going to need a little push from you, just a touch or a word for it fall to one side or the other, and then there is where it’ll stay forever.