-Technically it’s Christmas day, but it’s still the eve for me.  I just dropped off Guy and his airbnb housemate, Michael, and am in the place between fucked-up and sleep.   The place where thoughts have no filter and ideas vomit out onto the keyboard.  I shouldn’t say vomit because there’s just an outside possibility that I could actually do that.  But I’ll keep it together for this.  This race that I feel that I’m in… I have always thought of it as a race between me and you getting closer with your guy.  But I had a thought tonight which may have changed my thinking of the nature of this feeling.  That feeling, that urgency, that race, could be a race to get you back in my life before I grow feelings for another girl.  I did meet someone, but it’s very nascent.  It’s so new that I owe her no explanation for anything, and it may never evolve to anything which would warrant a talk.  But it has put the thought in my head about the race and the vow I made to you.  And I meant what I said; that I would drop anyone the moment you said yes, and I will, up until my birthday.  I don’t think I could possibly grow feelings for anyone else as deep and true as they are for you in that amount of time.  But nonetheless, I feel the race has begun.  You are, of course, the odds-on favorite, and no one would bet against you, certainly not me.  But please be quick, my love.  Run Forest, run.

-You’re the only thing I want under the tree this year.  Merry Christmas.  I love you.  -Why the fuck do I think of you all the time???   I hate it and love it.