-In this one-sided forum there’s no need for me to be fake or put on a stoic face.   I’m definitely upset about not seeing you before new years.  I see your face and hear your voice on the phone and want to grab you and kiss you.  I  your texts and want to hold your soft, warm hand while we talk in person.  I feel cheated.  You asked last year and I came.  I ask this year and am denied.  Is my longing to see you any less than yours was to see me?  I know there’s a whole situation there with the man, family, holidays, teaching, etc…  And I’m sure that when I reflect on this some time from now that I’ll see all of my selfishness in it, but right now emotions are emotions, and not rational, and I want to be able to express what’s inside of me.  How about a Chanukah gift of changing your mind?  Fuck, if I’m asking for a gift, how about you just pack up and come out here?  That would be a real holiday gift.  I hope this holiday season brings you much ponderance about what you really want in your life.