I                                             LOVE                                          YOU

-It surprises me that speaking to you can make me nervous.  I want to say so much, but I know that time is limited, not to mention I don’t want to say the wrong thing and run the risk of you not speaking with me again. I told you that I need to see you like I need air, and I am definitely suffocating without you.  I hope you change your mind and say yes to me going out there, even for one day/night.  I want to see you before the end of this year, hold you, kiss you, and talk intimately and deeply about us and what our future can be.  You had said that you feel like you and him are just going through the motions.   If I hadn’t come back into the picture and given you something to compare it to perhaps that thought might not have crossed your mind, at least on a conscious level.  Are you waiting to see if somehow you fall deeper for him or are you trying to force the relationship to a head?  Or are you waiting to have an epiphany so you can have a rational conversation?  And do you truly mean it when you say that you don’t want to marry him, or is that just what you tell me?  It simply boggles my bean that you would even think of settling for anything less than head-over-heels. That you would be, stay, buy a house, contemplate a future with a person you say that you don’t want to marry.  You, Erin Margaret Black, the rockstar, the introvert, the girl with a thousand leagues of depth in her eyes when they reflect love, which I have had the privilege to have glimpsed; the question for you is what kind of love do you want in your life?  Ponder that, and when you come up with the answer you’ll know what you need to do.  Just please don’t take too long.

-I ran from you, but as far as I ran I couldn’t get away.  I put an ocean between us to try to stop feeling what I felt.  I tried to shed the feelings of you like an old worn-out coat, but it wouldn’t come off.  I pulled and tugged and ripped and yet it clung.  It clung deep and mocked me at every opportunity.  It was only when I realized that I can never lose it, never hide, never get away from it that I understood what I wanted, and I became fearless.

-We will fight and we will love.  You will rage, I will understand and we will love.  I will have outbursts and you will try not to take them to heart, and again we will love.  We will love because it’s what binds us together.  We will love because it’s on our minds from when we wake until we sleep.  And we will love because we hopelessly can’t do anything else.